Spook’s Playhouse

So Florida brought me something more than I thought it could. And I find myself once again wanting to say, “Thank you so very much…” to The Stim. I look back down the road that I’ve come, (hind sight being 20/20 and what not…) and I have to shake my head at many things that I’ve done. Staying my hand so many times when I should have acted at so many things. Standing in the shadows not to be noticed… But I know that there was still a tiny tender part inside that really caused stress and emotional pain inside when I would start to care for someone or when someone of my past came back into my life who I really cared for. It was as if there’s this hook on the back of my inner body cavity that I would literally hang my heart on so that it wouldn’t act the way it should have and the pain inside made me stop what I wanted to do. I think I left my hook in a trash can down somewhere in Florida.

Two more things that have confirmed that I’m done with whatever it is that I’ve been dealing with over the past 4~5 years.

1. The other day I went to go drop by someone… and a part of me was really nervous. Nervous to see them… and nervous to see if the hook would come back. The door opened and there they were. A rush of excitement came over me as I was really happy to see them. I guess it was pretty well advertised on my face too because when talking to this person later that day, yeah… they kinda could tell I was really happy to see them. But that right there is like defeating something that’s been lurking deep inside.

2. Last night when I was at Shep’s one of the bartenders is going through a really tough time in her life and she’s not sure what she should do. After telling me her story she told me what her current options were. Her issue stems around from her other job and how unhappy she is with it. Well she really loves jewelry and said that one of the local shops where she shops a lot at would hire her if she wanted. I started talking to her no my view opint of sales and how one can be really successful at it. How many times someone would tell me after selling them a computer system that they were thankful that I wasn’t selling them a car. It reminded me of a time where I was very sure of who I was and what I could do. And the bartender even said it herself as I was telling her about this how the difference between her and I was, my level of confidence in myself. Something I forgot a long time ago that I once had.

I keep telling people here that the Winds of Change have hit our company’s sails as my manager has quit and that we now have a new Director of Operations. And with what has been going on here at work, I actually enjoy coming here now. There’s a new challenge that is involved. And it’s me climbing this new mountain of responsibility. And making things happen. It’s the logs and coals that I get to shove into my coal engine to power my locomotive. If things keep going the way they are here, I might just have to upgrade to them diesel powered engines… and then design and engineer me a nuclear powered locomotive.

I wake up recently with a fresh breath of air in my lungs. Yeah that might be because I’ve not had a cigarette since December, but I think it’s because my attitude is back. And I’m excited and curious to see where I go from here.

Love you guys and see you soon! Party at Bacardi Boy’s this Sunday… time to see how many shots of tequilla I can do again and see if I start dive rolling under trucks like I did so many years ago.  Or not because I remember building the deck the day after and having one of the worst hang overs I can remember since my 22nd Birthday… hah… that was a glorious night.  I’ll save that story for another day tho.